Signs of a Toxic Friend and How to Cut Them

Toxic Friendships

We've all been there. You know that friend who leaves you feeling drained after every hangout? The one who somehow makes everything about them, even when you're going through something tough? Yeah, that might be a toxic friend, and it's time we talked about it.

Friendships are supposed to lift you up, not tear you down. But sometimes we get so used to certain behaviors that we don't realize we're dealing with someone who's actually harmful to our wellbeing. So, let's break down the red flags and figure out what to do about them.

The Warning Signs You Can't Ignore

• They're always the victim. Every story they tell positions them as the person who was wronged. Their boss is terrible, their family doesn't understand them, their other friends are drama queens. But here's the thing - if everyone in their life is supposedly the problem, maybe they're the common denominator.

• Your problems somehow become about them. You call to vent about a bad day at work, and suddenly you're hearing about their worse day from three weeks ago. You share exciting news, and they either one-up you or find a way to bring the conversation back to their own achievements. It's exhausting.

• They disappear when you need them most. Fair weather friends are the worst kind. They're all fun and games when life is good, but the moment you need genuine support, they're nowhere to be found. Yet they expect you to drop everything when they need something.

• Everything feels like a competition. Got a promotion? They got a better one last year. Started dating someone new? Their relationship is more serious. It's like they can't genuinely celebrate your wins without making it about themselves.

• They love drama and gossip. If they're constantly talking trash about other people to you, guess what they're doing when you're not around? Toxic friends thrive on stirring the pot and creating unnecessary conflict.

• You feel worse about yourself after spending time with them. This is the big one. Healthy friendships should generally leave you feeling good, supported, or at least neutral. If you consistently feel bad about yourself, anxious, or emotionally drained after hanging out with someone, that's your gut telling you something's wrong.

• They guilt trip you constantly. "I guess I'm just not important to you anymore" when you can't hang out one weekend. "Fine, I'll just cancel my plans" when you need to reschedule. Manipulation disguised as hurt feelings is still manipulation.

Why It's So Hard to Let Go

Before we talk about cutting them off, let's acknowledge why it's tough. Maybe you've been friends for years. Maybe they weren't always like this. Maybe you feel guilty because they don't have many other friends (wonder why?). Or maybe you're worried about being "mean."

Here's the reality check: staying in a friendship that consistently makes you feel bad isn't noble or kind. It's not doing either of you any favors. You deserve friends who respect you, support you, and add value to your life. Full stop.

How to Actually Cut Them Off

• The slow fade. This works well for casual friendships or colleagues. Gradually reduce contact, take longer to respond to messages, and decline invitations politely but consistently. Eventually, they'll get the hint, and the friendship will naturally fizzle out.

• Set clear boundaries first. Sometimes people don't realize how their behavior affects others. Try having one honest conversation about how you feel. "I've noticed that when I share good news with you, the conversation always shifts to your experiences. It makes me feel like you're not really happy for me." If they're genuinely a good friend who just has some bad habits, they'll work on it. If they get defensive or dismiss your feelings, you have your answer.

• The direct approach. For closer friendships or particularly toxic situations, sometimes you need to be straightforward. "I've realized our friendship isn't healthy for me anymore. I need to take some space." You don't owe them a detailed explanation or a debate about your decision.

• Block and delete if necessary. If they won't respect your boundaries, don't be afraid to block them on social media and delete their number. Your peace of mind is more important than avoiding awkwardness.

Protecting Yourself During the Process

Cutting off a toxic friend can be emotionally challenging, especially if they try to guilt you or turn mutual friends against you. Remember that their reaction often proves you made the right choice. A truly good friend would respect your decision and maybe even reflect on their behavior.

Don't feel obligated to explain yourself to mutual friends unless they ask directly. If they do, keep it simple: "We just weren't like-minded as friends anymore" or "The friendship wasn't healthy for me." You don't need to air all the dirty laundry.

What Comes Next

Once you've removed toxic people from your circle, you'll probably notice how much lighter you feel. Use that energy to invest in the relationships that actually serve you. Reach out to friends who make you laugh, who celebrate your wins, who show up when things get tough.

And here's a friendly tip: pay attention to how potential new friends treat service workers, talk about their other friends, and handle situations where they're not the center of attention. These are usually good indicators of their character.

Remember, friendship should be a source of joy, support, and growth in your life. If it's consistently anything else, it might be time to think over. You're not responsible for fixing people or enduring bad treatment. This is true even in the name of loyalty.

Life's too short for friends who make you feel small. Choose people who choose you back, and don't settle for anything less.